Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Twin Mom's "Top 15" Questions

I have no idea who wrote this......but it is hilarious.

I love humanity.


15. "I could never do it."
Oh really. What would you do? Would you put them on the curb with signs around their necks that say, "Free to a good home. My mom can't do it."?

14. "Do they have different personalities?"
No. They are the same human being divided into several parts.

13. Said by a stranger, "They're identical, right?" Mom answers, "No. They're fraternal." Stranger response, "They are NOT!"
OK. You're right. I have no idea what I'm talking about. These are not my children. I thought it would be fun to borrow them from a mom down at Baby Gap. It's been more than an hour. I guess I should return them.

12. "Are they 'paternal' twins?"
Yes. They have a father. There was only one virgin birth.

11. "Just wait till they're older. It only gets harder."
Thank you. I woke up this morning hoping I'd receive a word of discouragement while pushing a cart of preschoolers down the cereal aisle.

10. "When one cries, does he wake the others?"
No. Multiples cannot hear each other's cries because they all communicate with their special telepathic language only.

9. From a perfect stranger: "Were they in the same sac?"
Hello. Nice to meet you, too. Will you be sharing your gynecological history with me as well?

8. "Are they developmentally behind?"
Well, let's see. They're 3 years old and thus far, all their graduate school applications have been denied. We'll get back with you on that.

7. "How do you do it?"
Haven't you seen the Nike commercials?

6. "Are they natural?"
Nope, their arms and legs are made of silicone.

5. "You must be SO busy."
Are you volunteering to clean my house?

4. "Did you take drugs?"
Well, there was this one time in college....

3. "What do you do when they all cry at the same time?"
Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I go to Starbucks.

2. Said to a mom of boy/girl twins: "Are they identical?"
Uh. Not exactly.

And No. 1. Drum roll please. . . .

1. After a stranger had been informed that the toddler boys were twins, she asked a simple question:

"Are they brothers?"
Enough said.


kate said...

At Whole Foods today, a woman commented on my twins a variation of #15/#7, "I don't know how you do it! I had such a hard time with just one!" And I just smiled and told her that, well, you know, there wasn't much choice! It isn't like you can just return to sender, even if I were the kind of heartless person who would think such a thing were a good idea!

Though I have to say that #10 might possibly be a legitimate question, at least for the first 5-6 weeks. One of the boys would start crying and the other would totally sleep through it. One would flail and bump/kick the other (they slept so much better early on when they shared a space) and the other wouldn't even flinch. Now, though, at 8 weeks, they definitely wake each other.

I have to say that the thing that surprised me the most about the general public and their reaction to twins was that everywhere I go with them (Ev-ree-where!) people stop me and comment on them. It's sweet, and I know it's with the kindest intentions, but after a while, it gets to be difficult to make a quick run through the grocery, because someone always comments or wants to see the babies, etc. So get used to being the local celebrity!

Our boys look quite different, so the question that always gets me is "How do you tell them apart?" Um, apart from the fact that J is a full pound lighter than H (and it's obvious), and that H has white blond hair and J is a brunette, and, um, they just generally look totally different, even at a glance? Someday, I'm just going to answer that by saying that I *can't* tell them apart, and that I just call a random name and see who looks at me when I need to know who's who...

Best wishes for your remaining weeks of pre-parenthood! Enjoy every minute-- I sometimes recall being pregnant, and I kind of wish they were still inside me. Not only is it awesome and such an intensely wonderful relationship (another human! Inside of me!) but MAN, they were so much easier to take care of before they came out!

butterflyanla said...

So funny!

Jennifer said...

I'm cracking up! People really do ask stupid questions. I think you need to answer some of these questions when they are posed to you someday just like the responses above! Love it!

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