Wednesday, September 22, 2010

We Suck

I know, I know, I know. We really are the worst bloggers in existence.

I am FINALLY breaking radio silence to say that we will no longer be posting to this blog. The truth is that keeping up two blogs is just not possible for me anymore so I am retreating back to the safety of my main blog.

If any of you amazing ladies are still bothering to keep up with our shenanigans at this point, we invite you to continue to come along for the ride with us at:

This is my photography blog - but it is also where I do a lot of personal writing and will continue to update the blogosphere (and my mom) with all things pregnancy, birth and eventually the raising of monster twins.

If this is your first time here......WELCOME! This is our story of beating infertility after cancer back with a funny stick, one round of IVF with ICSI and some magical socks.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Twin Mom's "Top 15" Questions

I have no idea who wrote this......but it is hilarious.

I love humanity.


15. "I could never do it."
Oh really. What would you do? Would you put them on the curb with signs around their necks that say, "Free to a good home. My mom can't do it."?

14. "Do they have different personalities?"
No. They are the same human being divided into several parts.

13. Said by a stranger, "They're identical, right?" Mom answers, "No. They're fraternal." Stranger response, "They are NOT!"
OK. You're right. I have no idea what I'm talking about. These are not my children. I thought it would be fun to borrow them from a mom down at Baby Gap. It's been more than an hour. I guess I should return them.

12. "Are they 'paternal' twins?"
Yes. They have a father. There was only one virgin birth.

11. "Just wait till they're older. It only gets harder."
Thank you. I woke up this morning hoping I'd receive a word of discouragement while pushing a cart of preschoolers down the cereal aisle.

10. "When one cries, does he wake the others?"
No. Multiples cannot hear each other's cries because they all communicate with their special telepathic language only.

9. From a perfect stranger: "Were they in the same sac?"
Hello. Nice to meet you, too. Will you be sharing your gynecological history with me as well?

8. "Are they developmentally behind?"
Well, let's see. They're 3 years old and thus far, all their graduate school applications have been denied. We'll get back with you on that.

7. "How do you do it?"
Haven't you seen the Nike commercials?

6. "Are they natural?"
Nope, their arms and legs are made of silicone.

5. "You must be SO busy."
Are you volunteering to clean my house?

4. "Did you take drugs?"
Well, there was this one time in college....

3. "What do you do when they all cry at the same time?"
Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I go to Starbucks.

2. Said to a mom of boy/girl twins: "Are they identical?"
Uh. Not exactly.

And No. 1. Drum roll please. . . .

1. After a stranger had been informed that the toddler boys were twins, she asked a simple question:

"Are they brothers?"
Enough said.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

The 1st far

Here ye! Here ye!

Come one and come all!

We've successfully made it to the tenth week!! What does this mean? It means that we're ABOUT to enter the second trimester and Jade can finally get her A off the couch and back to cleaning and cooking.

What's with these pregnant chicks, anyhow? You give em an inch (or six, el-oh-el) and they take a mile. They want BACK RUBS and they want LOTION rubbed on their bellies and it's wah-wah-wah, I'm sick, I'm gonna puke, boo hoo.

Honestly, I've been debating just locking her in the bathroom with a portable DVD player and a family bucket of KFC for the next few weeks but I have a feeling that it would someday come back to haunt me.

That said, we've been working on a fancy time lapse photography video and have decided to post the first few photos in photo fashion, as seen below.

It's funny. We thought that with twins she would be REALLY showing by now but.....well, it seems that the room has actually changed more than she has.

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Saturday, May 29, 2010

Womb for Two

We caved.

It's true.

We had the ultrasound done.

Like prisoners being tortured at Guantanamo, we blasted them with loud music at point blank range. While it was happening I kept saying in my head, "Ignore the noise....keep your cells together. Don't explode. you even have ears?"

After discussing our distrust of all things ultrasound with our doctor she highly recommended that we have this first one done just to make sure there wasn't a life threatening ectopic pregnancy in the works. An ectopic pregnancy is when the fertilized egg implants itself in the fallopian tube rather than in the lining of the uterus. The baby grows and grows and grows and, unlike a goldfish in a little bowl, does not stop. Cletus the Fetus will quickly smash through his fleshy, pink cage, leaving you upset and bleeding to death, wondering, "Where did I go wrong?"

Our doctor let us know that, after this sneak peek, we wouldn't have to take a gander again if we didn't want to. We nodded and said, "Stop stallin'! Lube up that magic wand and show us the hearts!"

It was pretty amazing, sitting there, staring at a black and white television set that looked broken, playing back static. I tried to make out shapes - maybe a fist, perhaps a smile or a fetal back flip. I felt ten years old again, trying to catch shapes on my scrambled HBO and achieving nearly the same results.

I saw nothing.

The doctor points and says, "You see that?" Her finger lands on an inkblot, an irregular mole, a booger in a kleenex and says, "That's your baby".

It's a formless monster.

She tells us it's the size of a lentil bean. I say, "Delicious" and then, "We don't want to know the sex...just in case you were thinking about telling us, we don't want to know". She says she doesn't know at this point and she says it like I should know this already. "Stupid boy doesn't know six week old lentil beans don't have penises. Laymen".

She shifts the magic wand and a small white blob appears. It pulsates, grows and shrinks, grows and shrinks. Thumb-bump-thumb-bump-thumb-bump. She shifts the wand and shows us another pulsating ball of light. She says, "Those.....are the hearts". The first thing I think is, "My wife has three hearts in her body. That's pretty messed up."

And then I went about my day.


And then, eight hours later, after work, walking to my car, it suddenly hit me. There were two HUMANS living inside my wife. There were TWO of them....and they were coming OUT HERE very, very soon. I sat down in the driver's seat and thought about it.

My brain exploded.

Sitting here now, I hope we made the right decision about the ultrasound; I hope we didn't screw up their lives already, as I know there'll be plenty of time to do that in the years to come through practiced neglect, repeated discouragement and general verbal dissatisfaction

I wonder if this is what parenthood is all about...........a million simple decisions that leave you lying awake at night, wondering if you've just monumentally messed up your offspring...

So, that all said, let me show you two pictures of the broken TV in the doctor's office. Maybe if you put on your 3D glasses, you'll see a crying lentil bean.

If you happen to see a penis, you'd better not say jack.

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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

To Scan or Not To Scan

That is the question.

Me and the built in baby carriage went in for our follow up beta check this morning and came back with an astonishing 7018 (which is ironic because that's the year a psychic named Xena predicted I would die...) Everything seems to be going grand, great and wonderful. The Wonder Twins are doing what they're supposed to be doing and all is good.


Oh, speaking of my womb, we have a question for all you IVF bloggerinos....

Next week we are scheduled for The Big Show: The Heartbeat Ultrasound! So, here is our delicious dilemma.....first, a little anecdote.....

When I was in college, I planted some bonsai seeds. I wanted to grow bonsai plants and trim them and prune them and have people believe me zen. They would ask me questions regarding life and love and morality. I would snip-snip-snip, pause, breathe and answer in very few words and usually in the form of another question.

This never happened.

Five days after planting the seeds I grew impatient that the seedlings had not yet sprouted. On the sixth day I told myself I would give them until noon and if they hadn't shown up I was going in after them. Short story shorter, I ended up waiting two more hours before digging in with a chopstick , delicately scooping away clumps of soil until I found...........the plant, about ready to break through the surface. Perhaps another day, perhaps two and I would have had my patience rewarded. I smiled devilishly and dumped the dirt back on the sprouting sapling.

My zen dream was going to come true....

Only it never did. I killed it. I killed my baby plant. I was no wise yogi. I was Yogi Bear.

Now I stand about five days away from hearing our babies heartbeats. Thump-thump-thump (or, as the hitch hiker's heartbeat goes, thumb-thumb-thumb) and we're excited about it. In fact, we're REALLY excited about it. It's an experience all of our friends have said, "...really just brings it home". That said, I feel a little like Yogi Bear again, standing above the developing seed, holding an ultrasound wand in my hand instead of a chopstick and getting ready to start digging around in some soil that would be better off undisturbed.

I'm not worried about killing our "seeds" but what I AM just a weeee bit concerned about is autism or other neurological disorders. BUT WAIT!!! Don't write me off as a cooky hippie just yet. Let me run my case. I promise I'll make it short....

First off, here's a link to an article about an experiment a Yale laboratory did on mice. They exposed pregnant mice to an ultrasound and studied the mini-meeces brains once they were born. The study concluded that neurological disorders were present in them.

If you don't want to read the article, that's fine. It pretty much says what I just did but they sound REALLY smart. It's quite impressive, all the big words they use.

Secondly, I KNOW that everyone says "There is no conclusive evidence that suggests ultrasounds and autism are linked" and I understand that it just because there isn't proper research? "Not conclusive" means incomplete. It doesn't mean "Completed and results are negative".

Remember, "There is no conclusive evidence that links tobacco use to lung cancer".

Did you know that 30 years ago autism affected 1 / 10,000 children and today it affects 1 / 100? SOMETHING is going on. Is it ultrasounds? Is it vaccines? Is it microwaves? Plastics? Is it the internet? Did Al Gore invent autism?

I realize that the article specifies that this should not discourage pregnant women from having medically necessary ultrasounds, but the crucial wording there is "medically necessary". John and I have decided not to find out the sex of the baby/ies or undergo any genetic abnormalities testing (as it would not change the outcome of the pregnancy for us). So, is this a medical necessity ultrasound or just something of convenience and/or parental entertainment? What did they do back in the day before this new technology? (Besides smoke cigarettes and knock back a few celebratory drinks).

We've discussed our concerns with our doctor and she has assured us that there is no risk whatsoever to prenatal ultrasounds. I LOVE our doctor and trust her hugely but I can't help but think that most doctors also said bloodletting, mercury, lobotomies, radium water, Bendectin and bacon were totally harmless too - and look how well those all turned out.

ps. Bendectin is an anti-morning sickness pill that was pulled from the shelves in '83 after they discovered it was causing birth defects.

pps. Bacon is delicious.

ppss. Damn you, bacon.

Point is, science seems to change it's mind a LOT. What's great for us one minute turns out to be terrible for us 50 years later.

There's no disputing that there is a huge rise happening in autism now and I can't help but wonder if some of the neurological problems are partly cropping up because of the rise in ultrasounds. I'm NOT saying that it's ALL because of ultrasounds.........but is it a potentially contributing factor????????

So...........what are your thoughts? Does any of this make you a nervous-pervous?

Finally.....and not that I think any of you lovelies would do this......but nice and no e-fighting. This is just a friendly exchange of thoughts. There is no condemnation here no matter what your stupid, personal opinion is.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

It's Officially Official

WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Beta level on Monday was 99 and as of this morning we're sitting pretty at 270.

We've heard whispers of twins....................

Friday, May 7, 2010

Pregnant until Proven Otherwise

With the current success of the egg retrieval one week behind us, Jade and I have been patiently (anxiously) sitting by our big red phone, waiting for the call from the reproductive endocrinologist (pooty doctor) with what we hope will be good news noose (Freudian slip) regarding our fertilization report (bun in the oven).

Here's how our stats break down:

They harvested 33 eggs from Mother Hen, 21 of which were mature enough to proceed to the next step - FERTILIZATION!!

Of the 21 fertilized, 18 eggs were a success!! I immediately began formulating my plans to make a baseball team, a family band and my own personal entourage when Jade informed me that we'd only be implanting 2. BLAST! I immediately began reconstructing my plan. I'd form a tandem bicycling team, a small vaudeville act and a slightly smaller and more intimate version of my previous entourage. SUCCESS!!

Because we had so many successfully fertilize, our embryologist recommended that we freeze 10 and let the remaining 8 continue to develop for a five day transfer. We both casually nodded our heads, completely oblivious to what she was talking about. Personally, I couldn't get the phrase, "Doctor Lady say smart thing. We do. Baby, fun, soft, pink." out of my head.

She told us to show up on Monday.

While we drove home, I spaced out (these new cars pretty much run themselves, anyway) thinking that, somewhere out there, somewhere behind me, there were these little things...they were part Jade and they were part me and they were sort of neither of us. I started thinking about how making babies is like macaroni and cheese. Yes, the crunchy noodles are good when eaten plain. Yes, the powdered cheese is a little dusty but oh so tasty. Yes, they're each good individually but doesn't the the real magic come from the perfect union of the two substances coming together in a near divine concoction of pasta that you want to curl up with and snuggle?

We had, for all intents and purposes, reproduced.


Alas, Monday morning arrives and we show up at nine bells, ready and willing to be impregnated.

Based on previous discussions with us, they had already prepped our two grade As - no sense turning my wife's sausage storage into a clown car. The embryologist (who was standing behind this weird Mr. Ed type door, staring down Jade's wazoo) said our little chicklet babies were "textbook" and were ranked 8AB - the highest grade she gives. I could tell that Jade was already gushing with maternal pride when the lady turned to me and said, "These are great eggs. GREAT eggs. That's no offense to the sperm, but these are GREAT eggs". I just smiled and laughed but thought, "I'd like to see you do what you do without me, lady".

That said, without further ado.........behold........our blastocyte spawns and a weird looking penis shape!

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Now join with us, won't you, and cross every part of the body you can - fingers, toes, eyes - and believe that Jezuz-Pleazuz, we will see a miracle.

Monday is the big day!


Saturday, May 1, 2010


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When I was a kid I got suplexed.

My buddy and I were wrestling and he wrapped his arms around me, his chest to my back. He locked his wrists and flipped me backwards, crashing my noggin into the floor of his parents' messy trailer home. My bottom tooth smashed into my top tooth and shattered the corner. If you look at my broken, mangled smile you can actually see the culprit and the victim on the left side, trapped forever standing next to one another in an awkward silence.

Today, however, is not about awkward silences. Today is about SCIENCE and TECHNOLOGY! Today the missus and I are going to the fertility clinic to remove my wife's sweet, sweet eggs. They go in with a vacuum, dig around and extract. It's sort of like an abortion in reverse.

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We only wait a few moments before they call our name and take us into a room that is entirely white. The black nurse sticks out like a sore thumb and tells Jade to put on some sort of strange magic lotion that will numb her skin, making it painless for when they put in the IV. After battling cancer and having some 37 injections and IVs combined I'm wondering just where this stupid potion was about a year ago. Truthfully, I think it was just a placebo. Jade covers the back of her hand with it while the nurse, who's name was Denise Crist (pronunciation on that last name, Jezuz-Please-Us) tells my Zygote Momma to put on her Egg Makin' Uniform. Some people say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. I say that hospital gowns are the windows to the butt. Jade double knots the belt and puts the gripped hospital booties on OVER her "Lucky Socks".

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Denise asks if she'd like her to take a picture of the three of us. I look chubbier than I do in my head, Jade looks like she doesn't fully grasp the purpose of the hairnet and June (Jade's mom) looks like her anxiety pills have just started to wear off.

Jade says, "Just push the button to take the picture" and Denise says, "This one? This one?" and Jade says, "Yep - that one right there". My first thought is, "Why does everyone have such a hard time operating cameras?" My second thought is, "Is it strange that my mother-in-law is present at the conception of my children?" I pinch myself to make sure I'm not having some dream that is about to go down a very bad road.

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Someone takes a photo of us, maybe it's Jade. Someone says, "How do I do it?" Someone else says, "Just push the button". Every time I hear the shutter click I wonder if this will be The Photo that I will look at years from now and remember this moment by, here and gone. I look around the room and wonder if this is how I pictured it all. It's not but it's still very cool.

I wonder about people having children "naturally" and I wonder about accidental pregnancies and I start to wonder about all the things that can go wrong and I start to get scared that something horrible will happen, that something will go wrong. I start to think about how it's a miracle that anyone survives past infancy. My mind starts to go koo-koo-bananas when I notice that Denise has left the room and Jade is applying more Magic Cream to her hands. She sees me watching, shrugs and says, "Better safe than sorry".

Denise enters back into the room. Jade sees her and throws the tube back onto the silver tray with a clatter and starts to whistle, gazing out the window.

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Denise opens up this door and says, "Here's where it happens". I take a step too near, over a red line and she says, "STAND BACK! STAND BACK! YOU CAN'T CROSS THAT LINE! THAT'S THE DIRTY LINE! THAT SIDE OF THE LINE IS DIRTY AND THIS SIDE IS CLEAN! YOU STAY ON THE DIRTY SIDE! DIRTY SIDE!"

I leap back, suddenly terrified that The Hand of God was going to strike me dead for entering the Holiest of Holies without a proper invitation. We start talking to Denise about restaurants, which happens to be something she loves. She tells us that she'll never start smoking but she can't say no to a stick of butter. She tells us that one of her favorite restaurants is Homestyle Buffet (which is pretty much every food you could ever imagine served on three Power Buffets). Jade and I tried it once and couldn't go back. Denise says it's like eating at your Grandma's house and I refrain from asking her if her grandma resides in the Bog of Eternal Stench and if she boils her bacon until it's done just right. Jade politely says that she didn't really like it. Denise just laughs knowingly and says, "Girl, you're the wrong demographic".

I'm pretty sure she was implying something about race, about black people loving Crappy Power Buffet but I'm too afraid too ask for fear of sounding racist. I'm always afraid to even MENTION race because I don't want to sound racist. Sometimes I just ignore people's race altogether. If someone says, "Hey, you know that Puerto Rican guy?" I'll just say, "Puerto Rican? Hmm, I guess I didn't notice."

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Jade's mom shouts, "PICTURE TIME!" and Jade sits on my lap and in my head I laugh about her beanie / hairnet again. I do this a lot, laugh inside my own head without actually laughing out loud. Sometimes people say something and I just smile and they go, "Don't you think that's funny?" and I say, "Yeah, I laughed inside my head" and they think I'm insulting them.

I have to keep pinching Jade's leg and saying, "Look at the birdie" because her eyes keep drifting back to the Magic Cream. She asks me if she could put that stuff on her face and I just shrug, smile, laugh in my head.

We have to take this picture six times because I keep blinking. Have you ever noticed how often newsreporters blink? All the time.

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Denise brought in one of my sperm. She said this was the one they chose based strictly on it's size. I tell her that the head-to-body proportion seemed to be squed and that I'm concernced that those attributes may carry over to the finished product. I tell her I don't want some "damn Quosimodo hunchbacked big headed monster".

Jade insists on taking our first ever father / son photo.

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One topic that seems to be playing on repeat is the "Will you promise me that you'll stay Above The Blanket when we're in the birthing chamber? Jade tells me that I don't want to see The Man Behind the Curtain. She tells me that that much knowledge could kill a man. She makes me pinky promise with my little toe.

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Denise leaves again. We've now been waiting in the Heaven Room for about 90 minutes. Jade starts to slowly reach for the Magic Cream again, mumbling something about, "......never have too much...." I slap her hand away and she tells me that once the eggolas go back in that she can't pick up dog poop.

Dog poop.

That just sounds disgusting and demeaning.

She says there's something in the bacteria or aura of it. She says she can't pick up dog vomit. She says dog pee is off limits. I catch onto her little game and ask if she has to stay away from laundry detergent, dish soap, olive oil and making the bed. She says she's serious. I tell her that I bet she is.

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Then, suddenly, things start to happen. Things start to move. A woman, an old woman, a doctor, Mother Time, steps around the curtain. She is from Mother Russia and was probably a young woman sometime during the Great Depression. You could get lost in her wrinkles. I mean that literally, like, "HEY! I'M TRAPPED!!!"

She introduces herself and says that she's the anastesiologist. She says she'll be doing the IV. She smiles and leaves, disappearing behind the curtain and out of the room. Jade twists her head towards me, pinches a nerve in her neck and shout-whispers, "SHE'S giving me an IV?? Nononono - SHE CAN'T HOLD A NEEDLE STILL! SHE'S GOING TO BE LIKE THIS -" Jade then proceeds to wobble her hand from side to side drunkenly.

I tell her to relax.

Mother Time comes back into the room with an IV and steps up to Jade's left side. She picks up her hand and Jade starts to hyperventilate. I squeeze her hand and imitate casual breathing. June takes a few pictures and giggles, examines some rubber gloves.

Mother Russia pokes a vein and says, "Zees von eez gewd. Vee veel pokey zees von." She rips open the needle. Jade turns her head and looks at which vein Doc Oc is pointing to. June blows up the rubber glove and laughs again. I say, "Jade, look here" and I keep breathing casually, loudly, just as Jade starts to scream, "I DIDN'T PUT THE MAGIC LOTION THERE! I DIDN'T PUT IT ON THE SIDE OF MY HAND!! NOOOO - oh, that wasn't so bad....

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Denise and Wrinkles ask us to go back to the waiting room. They are ready. Jade comes over to kiss me on the cheek and I give her a big hug. This. Is. It. The beginning of the beginning. She walks into The Big Room with them and the last I see of her, she's chatting about roadtrips, IV in tow, lucky socks leading the way.

As June and I enter back into the waiting room, we find ourselves surrounded by hopeful couples and I can't help but wonder if they all think that June and I are "A Thing". I want to make this as uncomfortable as possible so I set my coffee down, take June's purse for her. I lean in and say, "They think we're together" and she says, "uh-UH!!" and I say, pretty loudly, "That's right, Babe" and then I put my arm around her and laugh.

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Thirty minutes later we're back with Jade and she's groggy but good. I give her a copy of Pregnancy for Dummies. At the bookstore when I bought it, the lady says, "Oh, I bet this is good." I laugh and say, "Yeah". I point to the word "Pregnancy" and say, "That's my wife" and then I point to the word "Dummies" and say, "And that's me".
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I leave the bookstore excited about the day when my kid will be old enough to have a sleepover, stay up until 3am drinking Root Beer and getting suplexed by his buddy.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Big Poke

Going in for the egg retrieval this morning. Nervous but ready.

Will report back more later.

Wish me luck!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

An Afternoon Stroll

I picked up the kids from the cryobank the other day and took them for a little afternoon stroll through Los Angeles on their way to the fertility clinic.

Remember, prevention is the best medicine. SAFETY FIRST!!

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But seriously, if I got into a car accident, I did NOT want to be covered in year old semen.



While I was lugging this 15lb tank of sperm the 4 blocks to the fertility clinic I found myself with some extra time to think. First thought: "I really should be carrying these miniature albino tadpoles around in a stroller instead of a clunky steel aquarium." Second thought: "If this whole thing works out the way we're planning, I could be carrying 1/2 of our future kid(s) right now." That, my friends, is a very strange thought. Thought number 3: "What if I get mugged and they steal my honeypot of baby batter?" I started getting nervous and began walking faster, turning my mind towards the more comforting things we get to experience on this marvelous and romantic journey; pelvic exams and ovarian cramps, etc. etc. SCIENCE!

The finish line for this cycle is not too far off. Egg retrieval is tentatively set for Monday or Tuesday next week depending on how things develop over the next couple of days. Follicle count has leveled out a bit and is standing at 20 on the right and 19 on the left. The follicle sizes are pretty much even across the board (which the nurses say is a good thing) with the largest follicle measuring at 14.6mm (ironically, 14.6 has always been my lucky number). They've backed my Follistim injections down from 150 to 75 units daily. I told them I was an over achiever but I don't think they took me seriously. I sure hope my ovaries don't over achieve their way to my abdomen exploding.

I still feel pretty puffy in my stomach so I've been drinking water and Gatorade like a fish / Gatorade spokesman. My egg retrieval surgeon said Gatorade helps fend off OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome). Sure, sure. Whatever you say lady. At this point I'd chug a gallon Bean-o if I thought it would lessen my bloated Winnie the Pooh tummy.........

On a side note, I think all these extra hormones have finally kicked in. I watched Blindside with Sandra Bolluck this afternoon and balled like my family dog died. I'm not much of a chalk another new one up to the continuing IVF saga.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Ovaries + Follistim = WOW!

Starting: 04/15/10
Right - 19
Left - 20

Two days of Follistim: 04/17/10
Right - 25
Left - 30ish ( quote "I stopped counting at 30." )

My ovaries are feeling pretty crampy and tingly at this point.

And (naked) I have a SLIGHTLY rounded little tummy. That unexpected little development does not bode well and has made me realize that I should maybe start applying Cocoa Butter quickly..........just in case. :)

Monday, April 12, 2010

It Pays To Be Blissfully Ignorant

Went in for a date with the ol' doctor again on Tuesday. They wanted to check the status of all things girly-good since I've been hopped up on Lupron.

I guess they're looking to get a baseline on the ovary production before starting me on the REAL drugs - the hard stuff. You know, the ones that make you hulk out one minute and then cry over birds chirping the next.

Truth be told, even though we're probably a solid half way through our cycle, we still feel pretty clueless as to how and why this all works. Most of the time I find myself just nodding and smiling when it seems appropriate. The doctor says I'm going to be getting two drugs in 20 injections over 14 days shot into my abdomen and I smile. She tells me she's going to squirt ink into my cervix and I nod. She tells me I have to shove a pill into my hoo-hoo like some sort of reverse suppository and I giggle, reminded of some story regarding a coffee enema made from a home made douche kit and an empty 2 liter bottle of Coke.

Normally this sort of ignorance really troubles me. Generally when faced with the unknown I consult my magic 8-ball and if that turns up empty I turn to Google, spending hours and hours pouring through and over various case files, sweating and clamming up at the calamity I'm in. Honestly, some would say I'm a bit neurotic......personally, I prefer the term thorough, but to each his own.

The good news, though, is that all of our happy ignorance, our blissful naivety, good juju and positive kharma have payed off! My endometrial lining is at 4.7 - which is right where it needs to be (so sayeth the good Doctor), my right ovary has 19 follicles and the left one has 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember they said before that anything above 10 is considered excellent? My ovaries are graded A plus-PLUS! EXTRA CREDIT!

So, another milestone passed and now we're on to Follistim. This is the REAL drug - the one that makes all the magic happen. If Lupron was a gateway drug, this stuff is heroin and it even comes in this weird little nifty pen thingy that's sort of like a reusable's the little things in life...

I went to pick up the last round of meds from the pharmacy today and dropped almost $1,400.00. That IS a lot of money but thankfully (because of my stellar little ovaries) it was a LOT less than what we were anticipating. The lady in line behind me looked at me really funny when the sales clerk told me my total. I could just see the wheels in her head turning and wondering what the hell I was picking up. As the pharmacist handed me my gift bag overflowing with drugs and needles she said that she hoped to never see me again. I smiled too and said I hoped so as well. I wanted to tell the lady behind me that I was purchasing injections from the Fountain of Youth. I wanted to tell her that I was 62.

I brought my drugs home and put them up on the counter to start putting everything away and had to laugh. It looks like a junky lives here! Some sort of pharm head...
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This baby making stuff is SEXY!

That said, I am becoming a little concerned about John's well being and current mental state. My husband, who is notoriously phobic about needles - even going so far as to pass out when he gets his blood drawn - has been taking the injections quite well. Perhaps....TOO well. When he comes home from work, usually the first words out of his mouth, through the door, are something to the effect of, "FOUR MORE HOURS 'TIL SHOT TIME!!" When I told him this evening that he had to start giving me two shots a night his eyes lit up.

More on this as it develops.

On another note, I was at the grocery store picking up some last minute things the other night and had to grab a jug of milk. I was checking the expiration dates to find a good one when it occurred to me that, if all things go well, we could be pregnant before this milk curdles and expires.

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That is a very wonderful/weird realization.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Are you kidding me?

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I hope, for the love of God, that this Doctor had the presence of mind NOT to enlighten them.

I don't like to throw stones..........but maybe it's better if these two didn't reproduce.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Holy Bruise, Batman!

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Today was a big day...I took my last birth control pill!

(and hopefully forever because I hate them and will never forgive them for that extra 10lbs they gifted me freshman year - college not high school).

Now, I realize that in the crazy little world of IVF, THIS is not a big milestone BUT I am a neurotic psychopathic list person and love crossing things off. I get a thrill from the visual proof of accomplishment, gain, momentum, achievement, etc.

And today I get to cross off BIRTH CONTROL PILLS.

In other news, the Lupron injections are continuing to go fairly well. I think I have managed to slip under the side effects radar pretty well - all except the insomnia. Like clockwork I wake up at 3:00am every morning and cannot for the life of me fall back to sleep. This makes me crabby (poor John) and is starting to make me look like I've been going a few rounds with Ali. That said, I suppose we can just chalk it up to baby practice. Plus, considering that one of the other side effects of Lupron is brain splitting migraines, I think I drew the long stick.

John has proved himself to be a fairly accomplished nurse through these injections as well. He even seems to like it - which I still haven't decided if I think is cute or creepy. It's definitely helpful having him around but the fact that he insists on wearing the little white skirt is a little disturbing.

The other night he stuck me with old pokey and somehow manged to hit a vein/blood vessel/blood filled wet noodle and that hurt and burned like a mother. It also gushed blood back out of the hole like it was trying to impersonate Ol' Faithful. John handled the situation and we moved on as if nothing happened. I am however still sporting a pretty healthy bruise 4 days later.
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My next appointment isn't until the 13th. So until then we will just hold the fort and continue our nightly shots.

A question though......

I'm trying to decide if I should/need to tell my boss that we're doing an IVF cycle. I'm sure he'll be fine with it because he's a really nice guy with really great hair but I'm concerned that the discussion definitely borders on awkward. In a "normal" situation I would never dream of telling my boss that we were "trying" to get pregnant - so do those same rules apply here??????? Advice please. What did you all do? And if you did tell, how did you spill it?

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Murse Brookbank

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Lupron injection #1 is complete.

And despite my being a complete nervous nelly, the whole procedure went off without a hitch and John handled the shot giving like an old junkie.

One down, thirteen to go.

Monday, March 29, 2010

We're off to see the Wizard

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Today was the HSG - our final step before we can start the real meat and potatoes part of the IVF cycle.

For weeks now I have been dreading this appointment. I have heard horror story after horror story and have been bracing myself for pain the likes of which I have never experienced before.

We show up at the radiology office at 8:00am sharp because the HSG Nazi lady that scheduled the appointment was very insistent that we HAD to be prompt. So prompt we were. After filling out the usual paperwork and paying for the test we had a seat in the waiting room and began twiddling our thumbs. As also instructed by above mentioned Nazi, I took my Motrin and Valium at 7:00am - exactly one hour prior to my appointment so I would feel as little pain as possible. So there we sat waiting.......and waiting........and waiting. Finally at 9:00am the man-child decided to go up to the front desk to start storming the gates. The "scheduler" lady informed us that an error had been made and the tech and doctor were NOT there. She then suggested that we could come back at 2:30pm. Not really possible as John had to go back to work and I needed a driver since I was hopped up on happy pills.

Finally after quite a bit of apologizing for their incompetence the HSG Nazi lady said that the tech and doctor were on their way and that they would be able to fit us in in half an hour.


However, at this point my happy pills were starting to wear off and I had no reinforcements! The horrible HSG Nazi lady said we were pretty much up Sh!ts Creek and I would just have to tough it out or reschedule. There was NO WAY that I was going to reschedule this. So I asked John to fetch me a large shot of whiskey and the biggest biting stick he could find on short notice. We were going to kick this old school.

30 minutes later I found myself in an ass less robe with my legs up in some sort of weirdo knee stirrup things (this is fun and new) while staring at the ceiling. The sweet little radiologist-side-kick lady asks me if I'm nervous. I just smile and say no and then resume hyperventilating as quietly as possible.

The doctor finally gets in the room and immediately gets right down to "business". She's one of these chatty types that likes to narrate her every move. I'm sure she finds it less surprising for patients, however, I prefer to operate on a strict "need to know only" basis. So as she continues to narrate while navigating God only knows what through my goods she says the dreaded words of ALL doctors, "you might feel some discomfort now". At this point I start muttering some sort of prayer and brace myself for the excruciating pain. doesn't come.

She then mutters something about inserting the dye and that some patients complain of discomfort from this. I again start praying to my maker and bracing for THE excruciating pain. doesn't come.

What. The. Hell.

Dr. Narration then whips the monitor around to show me two very "beautiful" and OPEN fallopian tubes spilling hazardous radioactive waste into my stomach cavity.


She then went on to compliment me on my nice pelvis (that's a first) and my belly button ring. :)

So..........................long story short. This HSG business was easy peesy mac and cheesy and literally took 5 minutes from start to finish. Why was it pain free you ask?????? Maybe it was because I decided to wear my lucky socks this morning.

I don't know. Whatever the reasons, I'll take it!

And to prove it, here's a photo of me minutes after the procedure giving the classic sign for "it's all good in the hood". Would this face lie?
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Tomorrow we start Lupron!

Friday, March 26, 2010

Two Roads Converged

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Nine years ago today I met the most sinfully funny/handsome/dreamy man while shopping for ski pants for a date with another guy.

Five years ago today I married him.

And that has made all the difference.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

It's All Happening

We kind of had to chuckle this morning at the bitter irony of it really......but

Today I took my first birth control pill!

The IVF cycle has officially started.

Sound the cannons.

I am excited and nervous and excited and scared and excited and totally freaked out and also excited.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

No Raisins for my Power Animal!

This morning I rolled out of bed at the unholy hour of 6am to beat the LA traffic to my first appointment at our RE's (Reproductive Endocrinologist) office. One Starbucks coffee, 16,000 cars in LA traffic and an hour and a half later I was sweetly sitting in the front lobby waiting to be called.

Why am I here you might ask?

Oh, well I'm here for a pretty disgusting appointment actually. And because I'm a lady I will spare you the details of WHY it's a disgusting appointment and just jump right to "they're checking my follicles to get a baseline of what my ovaries are producing." Basically they want to know if my ovaries (on their own) are producing little healthy grapes or dry shriveled little raisins.

I was a little bit of a nervous pervous going into this appointment because I've been harboring this secret fear that we might find out that I TOO would somehow (in a cruel twist of fate) be infertile. A severely tipped uterus perhaps, or maybe a bum ovary or just maybe the dreaded........endometriosis.

The fantastic/amazing/good/jumping for joy news is that I have a "textbook" reproductive system. Thank you genetics!

My uterus looked like, well, a uterus. And my little ovaries showed 12 follicles on the left and 16 on the right. The sweet little ultrasound lady said anything above 10 was considered excellent. I've always been an obsessive over achiever. Ovaries 28 - Infertility 0.

So now that THAT is out of the way we now move onto the HSG. I've scheduled this for next Tuesday and have already convinced myself that I. WILL. NOT. PANIC. I will forget all the horror stories I have heard and pretend that I'm in my happy place with Edward Norton and my power animal.

Incidentally, my power animal is a Sasquatch.

Wish me luck and be sure to tell me how easy an HSG is!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

How Do You Spell Cha-Ching?

As we have previously mentioned, our insurance company (herewith referred to as The Big Prick Corporation) does not cover infertility cycles. Now, seeing as how a 2010 model for a brand new baby is running right around 16K (according to Kelly Blue Book) we over here at Putting the Fun in Infertility have found ourselves in a bit of a pickle. We do not have 16,000 dollars lying around - trust us - we checked. John's been buried ankles deep in the couch for the last two days and I just keep checking and rechecking the change jar that's on top of the fridge. We converged in the dining room last night to combine our bounty and the grand total was a staggering 4.16, a ball of lint and something that resembled an old chip. "Hopeless" isn't really a word that I like to throw around so let me just set it gently down in front of us all to stare at.

Since we moved out here around five years ago, John and I have been "employed" as independent contractors. This means we are both self-employed and unemployed at the very same time. Our lives are a dual dichotomy and I must say that it's very satisfying existing as a riddle. That said, our work has a tendency to be a bit volatile, unsteady and unpredictable, especially during the "worst recession the United States has ever seen since The Great Depression". Don't ask me who I'm quoting, I'm sort of paraphrasing something I either read on the internet or heard on the radio or watched somebody say at some point.

On and on.

The last few months have been a bit of a holding pattern for us. John was recently picked up back over at MGM, which was an ultimate and timely blessing...and yes, I'll say "blessing" as in "gift from God" because it's exactly what I mean. He's been over there for about a month and a half and since the get-go has been waiting to see if the show would pick up for a second season. If it didn't, we would be left to our vices, scouring for change and selling lemonade on the corner. If it DID get picked up, he would be "guaranteed" another 4-6months of consistent work (barring MGM being sold off, closing down or imploding) and we could safely empty our savings account and roll the dice on baby making without worrying about the possibility of going into the poor house.

Well, yesterday the verdict came in.........and......

THUNDERCATS ARE GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, God! Happy days are here again! We've finally gotten the long awaited green light so, in celebration, John and I jumped around in our living room, hitting each other with pillows all willy-nilly while doing a sort of awkward victory dance......think Elaine from Seinfeld.


I am excited. But also a wee bit nervous. The "reprieve" is over and now I really have to GO through all of this instead of just reading about it from the safety and pain free comfort of my couch.

I feel like we're at the precipice of a gigantic roller coaster and any second it's going to tumble, but for the moment we're just hanging out at the top, staring over the edge, just waiting, praying that the cart doesn't derail and're off on a ride that leaves you excited and scared and breathless and maybe even screaming.

Here's to the ride! I hope when it's all over I feel like barfing.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

The In Between

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Today we woke up to a very lazy Saturday morning. It was the type of day where time has escaped your frame of reference and any thoughts of responsibility have yet to fall upon you. The sun rolling in through the window, it was just the two of us, spending time under the covers, reading, talking and playing with the dogs in bed. We don't get a chance to start many days this way so it was a nice chance to shut off all the "Noise of Life" and just breathe. I love being able to steal these moments away with John; both of our lives have gotten so busy lately I feel like every time I blink another year has passed.

Later on, as I started to slowly transition through the house and get going with the day I walked by our bedroom door and noticed how empty and disheveled our bed looked - the leftover evidence of our quiet morning; the beautiful soft light trickling in through the window highlighting the rumpled sheets and it was then that I knew I wanted to capture this memory of our lives and somehow hold on to it forever. I started to think about all the amazing moments that are stretching out in front of us and all the memories still to be made: opportunities that will come and go, friends we will make and experiences we will have; and I realized that THIS moment in our lives too, is very fleeting. And before we even know it's leaving, it'll be gone. Sometimes very frustrating and trying - we are in the beautiful "in between". The amazing space that exists while dreaming of our children and making our own family a reality.

Finally, as I stood with my camera in hand staring at our room, my thoughts turned to hope. I began to let myself imagine that someday soon we would be having another beautiful Saturday morning under the covers but this time it would be with our baby (and dogs) lying between us.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Unsolicited Advice

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In a recent Elle magazine interview Jennifer Lopez had this to say regarding IVF and her choice not to pursue it:

"When it comes to family and relationships, I'm quite traditional; just because of the way I was raised. And I also believe in God and I have a lot of faith in that, so I just felt like you don't mess with things like that. And I guess deep down I really felt like either this is not going to happen for me or it is… And, if it is, it will. And if it's not, it's not going to."

The ultra spiritual, doubly divorced Lopez "supposedly" managed to naturally conceive and give birth to twins at the age of 39. Thank God divorce, promiscuity and premarital sex are "things you can mess with" otherwise she might run the possibility of being considered a huge hypocrite.

We here at Fun in Infertility would like to thank Jenny from the Block for her unsolicited but highly intelligent celebrity advice. Thank you for being such a beacon of hope for we mere mortals. You are truly an inspiration.

ps. I hated your flesh suit at the New Year's thing with What's-His-Name.
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Monday, February 22, 2010


John was asked to give his testimony regarding cancer and tithing for our church this past Sunday. And I know this is a very "my mommy loves me" kind of thing for a wife to say about her husband..........but I am so amazingly and humbly proud of this guy.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

What's Behind Door #2

I love insurance companies. They give me something to focus all of my hatred and animosity on. Sometimes I sit in my living room, surrounded by candles, listening to whale music and I concentrate all of my anger into a little ball and I imagine that little ball floating down the street and silently bobbing into the lobby of Insurance Company X and then.......release. The windows explode and the doors blow off the hinges and the roof collapses in on itself and anyone who has ever made a decision based on money and never considered the human factor is killed (not immediately) in the disaster. The people that are employed there only to feed their families but hate their jobs and cry themselves to sleep everynight for the monstrous things they are asked to do don't get killed.......but they do get maimed; broken legs and arms and things and you know what? Their insurance doesn't cover disastrous acts. Afterward I laugh maniacally all by myself. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! And then I make a hot cocoa and watch reruns of Boy Meets World.

Right now you're saying to yourself, "OMG, that was exceptionally violent and more than a touch disturbing." To this I say, "Absolutely true. It has a name and it's called Just Desserts."

Insurance companies and their affiliates are soulless, money gobbling, fat-cat, self involved, gloat-gloating bastards; the enemies of the world.

Our insurance doesn't cover children (IVF). Children, they say, are elective, like having the fat sucked from your ass and injected into your lips. They are a choice (and to this all the abortion doctors say ho-ho-ho!). After paying thousands and thousands of dollars into these companies we say, "We need money for this," and we point to stomach and insurance company says, "We hold onto money. We say big no. We keep it for later".

To these people, having children is something you could live without. The difference between a need and a want. All I can think is that the person who okay'd that clause already has a house full of children they get to go home to every night after telling people like us that our money is no good for that.

The violence is buzzing in my brain again and the bile is rising in my throat and I am pushing it back, trying to get to the funny parts of this.....oh, HERE IT IS!

Okay, so, the cost of one broken condom: .75
The cost of one baby attempt via IVF: $16,000.00 (or the biggest condom you've ever seen).

A hefty chunk of change no matter which way you split it, this much is true. That said, we've taken the opportunity to put things into some perspective. Let us present to you:


$16,000.00 will buy you.....

1 round of IVF (in vitro fertilization) with ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection) OR...........

1 2009 Pontiac Vibe

64 Nintendo Wii systems

78.4 years of a 3 DVD Netflix subscription.

80 Apple iPhones

1,390 movie tickets. This means we could BOTH see a movie EVERY DAY for 1.9 years

2,000 Starbucks visits

4,819 gallons of gas. Geographically we could drive around the WORLD (including oceans) just over 5 times

16,000 Burger King Rodeo Cheeseburgers. Enough to eat 1 cheeseburger a day for 44 years

32,000 games of Miss Pac-man. I could play one game a day for 87.6 years (or until I die)

42,666 cans of delicious Diet Coke. That means Jade could quench her thirst 3 times a day for the next 38.9 years (and she probably will regardless)

Are you as nauseous as we want to be?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Cold Feet???

I am a worrier.

THERE, I said it. Intellectually, I am fully aware that this is a useless and completely self-feeding affliction. Doesn't help - I can't stop! I am THAT girl. I worry and analyze everything to death and in between bouts of anxiety I have strategically mapped out plans A, B, C, D........all the way to F - just in case the S really hits the F. Does admitting this flaw mean I am now on the road to recovery? 11 more steps? Where am I going with this you might ask.............permit me to tell you.

I'm worried that I have cold feet - infertility cold feet. You know...the kind you're not really supposed to admit to because it somehow jinxes the process (and not the "We said the same word at the same time" kind of jinxing that leads to a free coke). This kind leads to tears, anger and a perpetually empty uterus. Is it possible to have infertility cold feet? Is this normal? Part of the process? anyone there?

While John and I were going through his/our battle with cancer I always felt confident that everything would be okay. I NEVER doubted - even through all the major setbacks (and there were a few doozies ie fainting spells, anxiety spells, emergency blood transfusions, grand mal seizure, discovering it had spread to his lymph nodes, discovering it had spread to his heart, discovering it had spread to his lungs, just to name a few). Through all this though, I still maintained a calm sense of peace about his inevitable success and recovery.

I don't feel that way about IVF. I'm scared. Can I say that? So many times I feel like I can't speak it's name. It seems that saying it out loud somehow gives life to the fear; very similar to the way Harry Potter is hushed for speaking the name of Voldemort. It is a taboo topic.

Truthfully, I'm terrified to so much as let this process begin, terrified of the embarrassment/pain of all the procedures, but mostly terrified of the "What If It Doesn't Work?" scenario and what it will mean for our lives if it doesn't. Is it better to live with the hope that "someday" (if we choose) in the far distant future we might have kids or to KNOW that it'll never happen and get on with coping? I'm afraid I might not have the courage to find out the answers to those question.

I went to my first appointment with Dr. Friend (OBGYN) last week. I LOVE that her name is Dr. FRIEND. All I can think about whenever I hear her name is "Dr. Friend. Dr. Friend getting friendly with the girlie-goods". I know, I'm a child. I can't help it. This was the first time I've met the good doctor and my 4th gyno appointment. EVER. So obviously I'm not horribly familiar with these types of appointments but it seems like we maybe should have shared dinner or at least some wine before we moved on to third base. But, alas, no - Dr. Friend is ALL business. She tells me to lie back, scoot my "bum" to the edge of the table and "just relax". I don't know about you.....but whenever a total stranger comes at my goods with what looks like a a plastic toy gun and a miniature chimney sweep brush the last thing that comes to mind is RELAXED. I did my best though and tried to pretend like I wasn't actually blushing. On the ceiling above my head is a poster with a cat hiding a dog's eyes with it's paw and saying something about being scared. Seems like a weird choice of poster for this scenario each their own.

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After what seemed like a very thorough groping she finally said we were done and I could sit up. Then came the bad part. She started rambling off some doctor mumbo-jumbo that I don't even pretend to understand - but I DID manage to catch the "send you down to the lab to have some blood drawn" part.

Oh. Holy. Jesus.

Not needles. Anything but needles. My greatest weakness......the proverbial Achilles heel. I. HATE. NEEDLES. It's not about the pain, because there's really not much( IV's excluded. Those hurt like a mother). More the idea of the disgusting little steel straw being shoved into the delicate pink skin of my elbow (near bone and tendons!) to suck out my precious life juice. Gross. I quickly got dressed before any other bad news could ensue and reluctantly trudged down to the evil-doers lair. Thankfully the next few minutes went blessedly fast and before I knew it I was seated in a chair with my arm strapped down while a monster posing as a nurse took 12 vials out of my arm. TWELVE. It was literally enough to feed an infant vampire for the better part of a week. Afterwards I got a Sponge Bob band-aid, some juice and a cookie. It's the small things in life.

Good news is that my goods look good. Step 1 complete.

It appears that the next step in this new and exciting adventure is something horrible called an HSG test AND, I must admit that after reading the pamphlet it seems I have a new object to direct my worry at. BUT, until then, I will sit in my living room, trying not to think about it while I just keep mumbling the words, "Voldemort.........Voldemort.........Voldemort" over and over again, refusing to give the process power.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Team B

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As we have discussed............Jade is a photographer and I am an editor by trade and a self proclaimed writer by night - and although both of us work and function within the entertainment industry, everything from family and wedding portraits to documentaries and reality tv series, following and chronicling the lives of others, we have never actually set out to have ourselves photographed. We've never taken the time or initiative to crawl out from behind the desk and / or camera and seek someone out to document who we feel we are at this point in time.

Permit me to leave the beaten path for a moment. Stay here. I'll be right back.

Right towards the end of our battle with cancer - when people say that, when they refer to it as a battle - it is not an exaggeration. There are war cries and blood and sometimes people die. Cancer was the most horrible thing I've (WE'VE) ever had to go through AND it was the best thing that's ever happened to us. Jade and I are closer now than ever. It's like those war vets who run into each other and they just understand one another even though they've never met before. There is a strange and powerful bond that supersedes words and is in the realm of the unexplainable and unbloggable.

SO. Right towards the end of the battle we meet these people named Mary and Scott. Mary is a photographer and Scott is a filmmaker and attended the film school that I almost went to before galloping off to Colorado at the last minute. Very strange. I wonder if I'd gone to Florida instead of Colorado if Jade and I would have broken up. I wonder if I would have met Scott in Florida. I wonder if I would have moved to LA with him and met Jade again. Maybe life has a way of working things out.

ANYWAY, Mary is a photographer and she shoots weddings and documents people's lives the same way Jade does and she just purchased a new camera after her old piece was pushed into a fountain by a drunkard at the last wedding reception she shot. SO she bought a new camera and wanted to test it Jade and I gamely volunteered our services.

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For our place and location we choose the strange little carnival that has come to town. We arrive at about one in the afternoon. The place is still shut down. The carnies are still hibernating under the rides and in their trucks BUT.....the gates are open. The three of us walk inside and have the place to ourselves. It was like being at The Neverland Ranch.
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We hung out by the ticket booths......
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......the thunderbolt......
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.......and the bumper cars.........
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.......before just spinning aimlessly in circles but BOY OH BOY DOES IT LOOK FUN OR WHAAAAAT???
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This was such a fun session. Not just amazing or entertaining but FUN. I just love hanging out with Jade. She's often times quiet when we're in large groups of people but when we're alone she is very sassy and funny and often has me cracking up and grabbing my sides with glee. Just the other day while we were driving home from church she was doing this funny thing with her feet (don't ask) that was just KILLING me.
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That said, I like these photos so much because (and I hope I don't sound conceded in any way, shape or fashion by saying this but......) I really feel like it's sort of captured a very personal essence about us that people probably don't usually see. Not because we're not affection. That's not what I mean to say at all, but rather, that the photos are super personal and intimate and I think Mary did a great job at capturing those moments and the general "weirdness" that Jade and I believe exists between us. And when I say "weirdness" I mean that in a good way.
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After the carnival we headed south towards Topanga Canyon where Mary shot us in some golden fields that look very romantic but were very uncomfortable.
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I've washed my pants and undies since lying down in the thistle and still have thorns in my cloth. BUT CAN YOU EVEN TELL?? NO! It looks like we're having the time of our lives. And while it was a little uncomfortable and while it was a little hot and while there were spider webs and sharp objects and animal poop everywhere, we really WERE having a great time and the truth is, most of the time, when we're together, we ARE having a great time. No matter if that's traveling down the 101 to Eugene, Oregon or making fun of ScreenVision in a movie theater or finally having our photos taken and "our moment" documented or battling cancer with a bloody sword and an unbreakable will. We laugh and sob and fight and love and these photos show it wonderfully.

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