It Pays To Be Blissfully Ignorant

Went in for a date with the ol' doctor again on Tuesday. They wanted to check the status of all things girly-good since I've been hopped up on Lupron.

I guess they're looking to get a baseline on the ovary production before starting me on the REAL drugs - the hard stuff. You know, the ones that make you hulk out one minute and then cry over birds chirping the next.

Truth be told, even though we're probably a solid half way through our cycle, we still feel pretty clueless as to how and why this all works. Most of the time I find myself just nodding and smiling when it seems appropriate. The doctor says I'm going to be getting two drugs in 20 injections over 14 days shot into my abdomen and I smile. She tells me she's going to squirt ink into my cervix and I nod. She tells me I have to shove a pill into my hoo-hoo like some sort of reverse suppository and I giggle, reminded of some story regarding a coffee enema made from a home made douche kit and an empty 2 liter bottle of Coke.

Normally this sort of ignorance really troubles me. Generally when faced with the unknown I consult my magic 8-ball and if that turns up empty I turn to Google, spending hours and hours pouring through and over various case files, sweating and clamming up at the calamity I'm in. Honestly, some would say I'm a bit neurotic......personally, I prefer the term thorough, but to each his own.

The good news, though, is that all of our happy ignorance, our blissful naivety, good juju and positive kharma have payed off! My endometrial lining is at 4.7 - which is right where it needs to be (so sayeth the good Doctor), my right ovary has 19 follicles and the left one has 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember they said before that anything above 10 is considered excellent? My ovaries are graded A plus-PLUS! EXTRA CREDIT!

So, another milestone passed and now we're on to Follistim. This is the REAL drug - the one that makes all the magic happen. If Lupron was a gateway drug, this stuff is heroin and it even comes in this weird little nifty pen thingy that's sort of like a reusable syringe...it's the little things in life...

I went to pick up the last round of meds from the pharmacy today and dropped almost $1,400.00. That IS a lot of money but thankfully (because of my stellar little ovaries) it was a LOT less than what we were anticipating. The lady in line behind me looked at me really funny when the sales clerk told me my total. I could just see the wheels in her head turning and wondering what the hell I was picking up. As the pharmacist handed me my gift bag overflowing with drugs and needles she said that she hoped to never see me again. I smiled too and said I hoped so as well. I wanted to tell the lady behind me that I was purchasing injections from the Fountain of Youth. I wanted to tell her that I was 62.

I brought my drugs home and put them up on the counter to start putting everything away and had to laugh. It looks like a junky lives here! Some sort of pharm head...


This baby making stuff is SEXY!

That said, I am becoming a little concerned about John's well being and current mental state. My husband, who is notoriously phobic about needles - even going so far as to pass out when he gets his blood drawn - has been taking the injections quite well. Perhaps....TOO well. When he comes home from work, usually the first words out of his mouth, through the door, are something to the effect of, "FOUR MORE HOURS 'TIL SHOT TIME!!" When I told him this evening that he had to start giving me two shots a night his eyes lit up.

More on this as it develops.

On another note, I was at the grocery store picking up some last minute things the other night and had to grab a jug of milk. I was checking the expiration dates to find a good one when it occurred to me that, if all things go well, we could be pregnant before this milk curdles and expires.



That is a very wonderful/weird realization.

How Do You Spell Cha-Ching?

As we have previously mentioned, our insurance company (herewith referred to as The Big Prick Corporation) does not cover infertility cycles. Now, seeing as how a 2010 model for a brand new baby is running right around 16K (according to Kelly Blue Book) we over here at Putting the Fun in Infertility have found ourselves in a bit of a pickle. We do not have 16,000 dollars lying around - trust us - we checked. John's been buried ankles deep in the couch for the last two days and I just keep checking and rechecking the change jar that's on top of the fridge. We converged in the dining room last night to combine our bounty and the grand total was a staggering 4.16, a ball of lint and something that resembled an old chip. "Hopeless" isn't really a word that I like to throw around so let me just set it gently down in front of us all to stare at.

Since we moved out here around five years ago, John and I have been "employed" as independent contractors. This means we are both self-employed and unemployed at the very same time. Our lives are a dual dichotomy and I must say that it's very satisfying existing as a riddle. That said, our work has a tendency to be a bit volatile, unsteady and unpredictable, especially during the "worst recession the United States has ever seen since The Great Depression". Don't ask me who I'm quoting, I'm sort of paraphrasing something I either read on the internet or heard on the radio or watched somebody say at some point.

On and on.

The last few months have been a bit of a holding pattern for us. John was recently picked up back over at MGM, which was an ultimate and timely blessing...and yes, I'll say "blessing" as in "gift from God" because it's exactly what I mean. He's been over there for about a month and a half and since the get-go has been waiting to see if the show would pick up for a second season. If it didn't, we would be left to our vices, scouring for change and selling lemonade on the corner. If it DID get picked up, he would be "guaranteed" another 4-6months of consistent work (barring MGM being sold off, closing down or imploding) and we could safely empty our savings account and roll the dice on baby making without worrying about the possibility of going into the poor house.

Well, yesterday the verdict came in.........and......

THUNDERCATS ARE GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, God! Happy days are here again! We've finally gotten the long awaited green light so, in celebration, John and I jumped around in our living room, hitting each other with pillows all willy-nilly while doing a sort of awkward victory dance......think Elaine from Seinfeld.

I am excited. But also a wee bit nervous. The "reprieve" is over and now I really have to GO through all of this instead of just reading about it from the safety and pain free comfort of my couch.

I feel like we're at the precipice of a gigantic roller coaster and any second it's going to tumble, but for the moment we're just hanging out at the top, staring over the edge, just waiting, praying that the cart doesn't derail and then.........you're off on a ride that leaves you excited and scared and breathless and maybe even screaming.

Here's to the ride! I hope when it's all over I feel like barfing.

TESTIFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!